Allow me to make a semi- personal entry, because I’ve been fluttering about like a neurotic butterfly, yo-yoing from utter confusion to utter clarity. The problem with me is that I have too many thoughts spinning about in my head, and way too much energy, which at some point or the other, ends up being a deadly cocktail. Oh, and cocktails. But that’s for a whole new post.
So, I was at this party a while ago and there was this some pretty great music which I hadn’t heard. Now that I have appropriated my dad’s communicator (and no longer need to jot down stray thoughts on napkins when at a bar), I made a note about how music is the soundtrack of our lives, and how experimentation in music is a reflection of different social movements, many times political in nature and so on. The world has parallel lives, and I was wondering how different the connection must be for the composer/band and the groupie – both who love it equally passionately. The way a person behaves about music says a lot about them. The ones who judge you for not being as musically literate as they are, or have their refined taste, are the worst offenders. I don’t think I am friends with any of those. And with good reason I say.
There is a difference between perception and reality. Ask me, I can build up an entire situation in my head -- or better yet, ask my friends, I drive them crazy with my theories and hypotheses (it’s a wonder they still indulge me) – and find that I was actually wasting some very valuable energy. But there is also some merit in that because I find I learn something about myself – and having considered all eventualities, I find dealing with things and moving on when they actually happen much easier. And, the most important is that I figure out that no matter what drama is going on in my life, work and friends are the one focus you should never lose, because they are what keep you going.
Anyway, I’ve often wondered if it’s strange that I talk to myself. I do it all the time, even if there are people around. I do it at work too – I think people are getting used to me. I suspect its far more common than I think (perhaps not in the presence of other people) but it’s not even possible that people who are sitting alone mulling over something do it soundlessly, in their minds alone?
I mean, my brain is so far developed (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it) that I actually believe I have a separate sub conscious life. I’ve had entire conversations with people in my dreams that I needed to in real life, I’ve even spent quality time with them in dreams (all of which I remember) that when I wake up, things are better. How crazy does that make me? I’m not sure. My mother has told me that a lot of my Kashmiri relatives are actually crazy, so maybe there’s something there!!
I guess, what I’m asking is, how do you make decisions? What’s the process you go through? But I have discovered, at the end of the day, instinct is the way to go. Even though I’m one of the most impatient people I know, and that’s something I am really trying to work at, trusting yourself is the best way.
Wow, aren’t I fucking preachy today? Ok just to get back in the game I’ll also add that despite all the buzz that I&B Minister banned AXN on a whim because he was offended by the ‘World’s Sexiest ads’ – this is the real story – AXN was sent notices about five times to which it did not respond and that is why it was banned for a limited time. In fact other channels have had similar problems and have gone to the I&B Ministry and settled the matter.
I guess scratching below the surface is always a good thing.