Tuesday, January 10, 2006

When Dolphins Cry.. (II)

I'm fascinated with the concept of fate. I've had long conversations about God and religion. My take is that I do believe in 'God' just not in organized religion. The idea that this planet is a 'design' of God is something I cannot wrap my head around, but I'd like to think that abstract concepts such as fate and destiny are mixed up with the very real concepts of how we live our lives.

I'd gone to a Tarot Card reader in New York with some friends in April (2005)or so. At the time I'd had no questions for the guy since I knew I was coming to England to study and things seemed to make sense in my head. Career? Love? Relationships? I didn't have a single question cause I figured I'd find out as I went along. Still, he told me a few things which at the time seemed- real- but abstract. In a few months, it all made the sort of sense that's scary. I'm in Delhi at the moment and I'm very tempted to go get my cards read again, but this time armed with questions. But the bigger questions lingers on... if I believe what I'm told as something that WILL come true, will I stop trying because I will expect it to happen? That in itself is the scariest thought to me-- I never want to feel that I cannot do something about my state of affairs, or even lose interest in my own life to the extent that I'm perfectly happy to let the universe deal my cards for me. That's my problem with the concept of fate or destiny... if you remove the romantic notions around them, they are escapist in nature. I've used fate as a rationalist argument when things have not gone my way... I don't like to beat myself about things no longer in my control. Is that good, is that bad? I do know that it helps me sleep better-- but I think the important part is to remember you have to wake up in the real world, and just keep going.

I was watching an ad on TV today about female infanticide. It makes me wonder how we can juxtapose two opposing thoughts with such ease in our madly religious country. Families have scores of children because they claim they are 'gifts' from God [although often you find the family is a string of girls that stops when the son is born] and on the other hand, this gift from God is taken so lightly that a girl child is killed for being just that, a girl. Where is the sense in that? I'm assuming this is not considered a gift at all then. So where is the balance? What is one to make of it?

Fate is such a tricky concept, it is applied as is convenient; and not just in larger issues. Any of us who lay things down to fate has used it to feel better or used it to psyche ourselves into getting something done. I personally believe that the universe has a quirky sense of humor, and as much as I look up at the stars when things go wrong... I do the same when things go right. Sometimes just thanking your good luck feels a million times better than cursing your bad luck, which by the way, doesn't seem so bad when you remember, and appreciate all the good times.

I googled myself to see if this blog turned up, and I found something I'd written on freshlimesoda.com when I was 17. I ended the article asking if I was meant to write it because it was fate, which led me back to the same question five years later. Or is this fate too??!! :)